Attachment Tips

Now What Do You Do?

Remember, attachment forms over time. Missing one opportunity will not prevent you and your child from becoming securely attached, but a pattern of missed opportunities might.

Ask yourself: What can I do to help my child know how much I care for her and love her, and how important she is to me?

This is a lot easier than you might think. Think about the times when you are with your child but not interacting with her. A gentle touch, a kind word, a listening ear, a helping hand - children need these! Keep in mind that babies may not understand words, but they do understand the way words are said.

Ask yourself: What can I do to keep from feeling overwhelmed?

Life is busy, and it is sometimes difficult to choose attachment-building responses to children. When you are feeling irritated or hurried, remember: It is okay to take a time-out yourself sometimes. Call a friend or relative who may be able to watch your child while you take a walk, have a bubble bath or some other activity to relax and recharge. If stress causes you to miss an opportunity to connect with your child, don't beat yourself up! Make a mental note and promise to not miss the same one next time.

Your goal is to provide your child with a stable environment in which he feels loved, cared for, safe and valued.

Think LOVE to develop a caring, attached relationship with your child.

Let your child know you love him with hugs, kisses, holding, touching and smiles as often as you can!

Offer her security and support by being there for her when she is learning new things, when she is sad or upset, as well as happy.

Vocalize your feelings to your child. Tell him daily how much you love him and care about him, and how important he is to you.

Even when you are angry and upset, use patience, and let her know that you don't like the behavior, but you LOVE her!

Tips for Developing Attachment with:

Babies
Toddlers
Preschoolers
Special needs children

Tips for Developing Attachment with Babies

Friends, Family and Home

  • Encourage all family members to talk to baby.
  • Allow older siblings to help with the baby.
  • Make sure you can hear baby in his crib.
  • Encourage family and friends to give baby time to get used to them before holding and hugs.
  • Make sure baby has time with all adults in the home.

Activities and Television

  • Read to baby while nursing or feeding.
  • Respond when baby makes sounds.
  • Gaze into baby's eyes.
  • Smile, talk, play and sing.
  • Touch and massage.
  • Use your face to show an emotion and then say what it is.

Learning, Childcare and School

  • Tell baby about things she sees and feels.
  • Put baby on the floor to explore and move.
  • Choose childcare with a low child-to-staff ratio.
  • Make sure caregiver is loving and holds baby often.
  • Encourage him to crawl and explore.
  • Give him time to adjust to a new childcare setting.
  • Be sure that she has a consistent caregiver that is usually there.

Guidance and Discipline

  • Respond when baby cries; it will not spoil this age.
  • Learn which cries mean hunger, anger or boredom.
  • Soothe baby with cuddling, swaddling, quiet music or a walk in a stroller.
  • Reassure him when he cries and is fearful of strangers.
  • Don't scold.
  • Involve family in entertaining baby when you are busy.

Tips for Developing Attachment with Toddlers

Friends, Family and Home

  • Ask adults to allow her time if she acts shy before hugs and holding.
  • Encourage siblings to include him in play.
  • Involve her in a small playgroup or with another child occasionally.
  • Toddler-proof your home carefully.
  • Tell your child if you are leaving

Activities and Television

  • Limit TV and sit with him to watch.
  • Read, read, read with her in your lap or close.
  • Take him to playground, on outings.
  • Let her try new things.

Learning, Childcare and School

  • Choose childcare that is nurturing and loving and uses positive guidance instead of punishment.
  • Give him words for things he sees and is doing.
  • Give her many new experiences and chances to practice walking and running, using her hands and fingers.

Guidance and Discipline

  • Allow him to do things himself, such as opening doors.
  • Limit the use of "no."
  • Give her more than one choice when you want her to do something. Make bedtime, bath and putting on clothes a game.
  • Have a sense of humor.

Tips for Developing Attachment with Preschoolers

Friends, Family and Home

  • Encourage friendships by inviting children to your home and setting up play dates.
  • Encourage play that is noncompetitive.
  • Call to reassure your child, if he is away from home overnight.
  • When possible, allow an upset or frightened child to return home.

Activities and Television

  • Be sure you or a supportive adult is there to help her with new learning such as swimming, a new game, etc.
  • Read to your child by having him in your lap or next to you.
  • Cuddle and give hugs.

Learning, Childcare and School

  • Choose childcare that uses positive discipline and emphasizes caring relationships with teachers and children.
  • Let teachers know you want them to hug your child.
  • Make sure your child's learning is supported and there is someone available to help her if she becomes frustrated.

Guidance and Discipline

  • Show him how to do new things, then let him know you are there and will keep him safe while she tries on her own.
  • When you discipline, always end with a hug and reassurance.
  • Use a calm voice when you discipline, and use consequences for bad behavior.

Tips for Developing Attachment with Special-Needs Children

Friends, Family and Home

  • Encourage all family members to visit her during hospitalizations.
  • Encourage siblings to help with the child.
  • Develop family time activities that can include all children.
  • Be honest and open with family and friends about his abilities and needs.

Activities and Television

  • Read, sing and talk to your child every day and often.
  • Respond when she makes sounds or movements.
  • Smile at him.
  • Touch and massage him.
  • Limit television.

Learning, Childcare and School

  • Make sure caregivers are trained and experienced in disabilities.
  • Ask teachers to help you identify the type of interactions to which she reacts best.
  • Choose care with more teachers and fewer children.
  • Be sure that he has a consistent caregiver that is usually there for him.

Guidance and Discipline

  • Learn to recognize when your child's behavior is his way of showing you his needs.
  • Learn which cries mean hunger, anger or boredom.